Thursday, December 22, 2016

AROUND THE SPORTS WORLD

There are things that happen in sports that I just don't understand.


What? And get hurt?
Stanford Cardinal football star Christian McCaffrey has announced he will not play in the Sun Bowl in El Paso, Texas, on Dec. 30th against North Carolina. But he has a good reason: he wants to use the time to prepare for the NFL draft. Apparently the money is more important that exercising his loyalty to the school and the team. He's on a scholarship so Stanford has been paying for his education, room and board for the past 3 and a half years. But that means nothing when he's preparing to amass his personal fortune in the NFL. If I were Stanford, I would rescind his scholarship and tell him to immediately pay for his last semester, move out of the football dorm and turn in his meal ticket. If he hasn't gotten his grades yet, hold them until he either pays for next semester or plays in the game. Sorry McCaffrey, but this isn't the "Christian" thing to do.

What's in a name? 
The NY Yankees minor league team in Staten Island held a contest to ask their fans to come up with a new name for the team.  Some of the suggestions were the S.I. Heroes, the Bridge Trolls, the Rock Pigeons and, my personal favorite, the Pizza Rats. These names would be able to compete with the nicknames of some of the other teams in the NY-Penn League, like the Crosscutters, the Scrappers, the Monsters, and the ever-popular Muckdogs. In a rare moment of sanity, team officials decided to to keep the original name - The Staten Island Yankees.

What a relief.
New Orleans Drew Brees, who is arguably one of the top three quarterbacks in the NFC, was not chosen for the Pro-Bowl game. At least he won't have to come up with some lame excuse for not playing in the game. Besides, they aren't even playing in Hawaii this year. The game is in Florida and what fun is that? They should just drop the game anyway. The only way you can tell it's football is because they wear the uniforms.

He did it again.
Duke University's petulant basketball player, Grayson Allen, is at it once more. Last year he was censured for tripping an opposing player during the game and now, he's repeated the action against a player from ELON. He was given a technical and sent to the bench where he proceeded to throw a tantrum. How long will Coach K put up with this nonsense? 

Something for nothing?
The Boston Red Sox have traded long time pitcher  Clay Buchholz to the Philadelphia Phillies for a minor leaguer who has a chance to become a backup utility player...sometime. Maybe. This was salary dump, pure and simple.  Buchholz has never lived up to his promise, having one good year in his ten years with Boston. Boston GM Dombrowski, going against the baseball standard of never having enough pitching, said that having seven pitchers vying for five spots was too many. He must be thrilled that he found some suck...I mean team, to take him on. I wonder if Philly could use a center fielder? The Yankees have an extra one.

 It ain't sports, but...
A bus driver in Illinois has sued McDonalds over the pricing of their Extra-Value Meals, stating the price of $5.90 was $.41 more than if he purchased the the 2 cheeseburgers, medium fries and medium drink separately. Wouldn't you think someone in that huge organization might have sat down and said, "Hey! You know what? If You just buy..." But no, they didn't. Whatever financial genius that was responsible for this has a future as the General Manager of a baseball team.

I have nothing to add.
Skip Bayless was on FB live when he used his own official page to comment “Skip you are the man!!! Love the new show on FS1!!!”

Good bye, Craig.
The long time TNT sportscaster has died after a two year fight with leukemia. He will be remembered for his friendly and humorous personality, his sports acumen as well as his outrageous outfits.  

 Image result for craig sager's outfitsImage result for craig sager's outfits
  
His courtside interviews were a joy to behold. God bless you, Craig. We will miss you.

***THEY SAID IT***
"Fire crews were called to the Palace of Auburn Hills this morning. Two-alarm blaze, unknown origin. Well, something’s was on fire and it’s sure not the Pistons."  -- Janice Hough
"Anyone else secretly hoping Jose Bautista gets shipped to Boston? Only Tom Brady could deflate that ego."  -- RJ Currie
"Six years ago, Rus­sia opened the melted-down Chernobyl nuclear plant to curiosity seekers. Speaking of which, the 49ers are also offering tours to the public."  -- Dwight Perry
"The Baylor women’s basketball team defeated Winthrop by 108 points, 140-32. Unfortunately, Baylor was favored by 109 points, so the team didn’t cover."  -- Brad Dickson
"The Browns will lose one home game next year to play an NFL game in England. At first the team protested, but Cleveland fans insisted."  -- RJ Currie
" Cheerleading may become an Olympic sport. When pushing an object down ice with a broom is already an Olympic sport, the bar is not set terribly high here."  -- Brad Dickson

CP-

Saturday, December 17, 2016

GOOD NEWS, BAD NEWS

** I wrote back in October that I thought the World Series managers were over-using their closers, particularly Terry Francona. While some writers applauded the innovative use of the bullpen, others felt the same as me. Aroldis Chapman just came out and said that he felt that Joe Maddon in situations that didn't require using a closer, such as starting the 9th inning with a 7-run lead in game 6. Chapman said he went into game 7 with a tired arm which could have cost the Cubs dearly. Maddon said he talked to Chapman every time before he used him and asked him if he minded pitching multiple innings and he said he was fine with that. Come on, Joe. What's do you expect him to say? "I'm the closer. I only pitch in the ninth inning?" However, they got to the W. S. so you might as well ride the horse that carried you there and let next year take care of itself. Or you do what the cubs did: let him go to another team.


** During the silly season, teams try to fill the holes in their lineup or their pitching staff through the use of trades or signing free agents. Who they try to acquire depends on a lot of factors. Can he play defense, can he run, how long a deal is he looking for, is a draft pick involved, or - the big one- how much money is he going to cost us? But here are two I have never heard before. "We're not interested in player X. Our fans hate him." The other - "Our players don't want him on the team." Interestingly, they're talking about the same guy - Jose Bautista. Baltimore fans are upset about the way Joey Bats flips his bat after hitting a home run. Texas Ranger players hate him so much, their shortstop punched him in the face and knocked him down around 2nd base during a game. Somebody's not playing well with others.

** Part of the new labor agreement for MLB sets definite starting times for getaway games. They will also regulate starting times for games if a team played a night game in a different city the day before. This is good thing. Obviously, weekday afternoon games draw significantly fewer fans than night games, so home teams are reluctant to schedule an early game especially against a "premium" opponent, such as NY/Boston. There have been times when this has happened, sometimes,it appears, just out of spite. Looks like front offices don't play well with others, either.

** In spite of his repeated assertion that he is retired, speculations continue that David Ortiz will return for one more year. He had a great year, not just for a retiring player, but a great year for anyone. He continues to say that he can't handle the pain in his feet and he dislikes all the traveling, but if he did come back, no one would mind - except me and all the other Yankee fans.

** For the first time, 6 teams will be paying a luxury tax this year.
Dodgers  $31.8 million
Yankees  $27.4 million
Red Sox  $4.5 million
Tigers      $4.0 million
Giants      $3.4 million
Cubs        $2.96 million
That's a total of $74 million which the 24 team owners will line their pockets with.

** The Minnesota Golden Gophers have ended their threatened boycott of the Holiday Bowl on Dec. 27th against Washington St. The team was protesting the suspension of 10 players because  of an alleged sexual assault accusation. They reversed their threat when the school's Board of Regents assured the team that the suspended players would get a fair hearing.

**Buffalo Bills defensive tackle Marcell Dareus has guaranteed that his team will win their next game against the 0-13 Cleveland Browns. Really went out on a limb there, eh Marcell?

** The real bad news comes out of Seattle where it appears that Dwight Perry's column, Sideline Chatter, will be eliminated by the powers that be. Dwight's sense of humor was a continuing delight to his readers for 17 years. Unless something changes we will lose a very entertaining column as of January 1st.

***THEY SAID IT*** 
"Temperatures at Soldier Field for the Green Bay-Chicago game this Sunday are expected to be at or near 0 degrees Fahrenheit at kickoff. Or as Packers fans and players say “positively balmy."  -- Janice Hough
"Tickets for the Buffalo vs Cleveland game are going for as low as $10. Some fans are saying that if you threw in a hot dog and a beer along with the $10, they might be interested."  -- TC Chong
"How about those lurid green Seattle uniforms on Thursday Night Football? At any given time, it looked like 11 grinches stealing the Rams' Christmas."  -- RJ Currie
"College football bowl season is about to begin. I’m probably most looking forward to the Boise State Broncos playing the Baylor Bears in the inaugural Alliteration Bowl."  -- Brad Dickson
"Major League Baseball announced a crackdown on rookie hazings. Fortunately for Minnesota, being forced to dress in a Twins uniform isn’t included in the ban."  -- Dwight Perry

"Lions CB Darius Slay, on the Pro Bowl being in Orlando instead of Hawaii “It’s really pointless.” Uh, has the Pro Bowl ever been anything but?"  -- Janice Hough
"Ronda Rousey has reportedly said the holiday season isn't all that jolly for her. Must be hard at Christmas to forget being decked by blows of Holly."  -- RJ Curry
" Old joke rehashed: One poor Bills fans left his pair of tickets on the dash and forgot to lock his car. He came running back and…. too late, there were now 4 tickets on the dash."  -- Tony Chong

CP-





Wednesday, December 14, 2016

IS THE SILLY SEASON OVER?

Probably is, as far as monster trades of free-agent signings go. The big names that are left are being ignored mostly because the players want A) Too much money, B) too long a contract or C) it will cost the team that signs them a draft pick.
The new contract calls for a 90%+ luxury tax when a teams payroll reaches a certain level. Okay that level is so high that there's only four teams that even consider spending that much on player salaries: Yankees, Red Sox, Dodgers and the Cubs. It's also a fact that teams are becoming wary of long term deals because they have seen the folly of paying a fading former super-star $20+ million for someone whose production is a quarter of what it was in his prime. Teams are now hoarding draft picks like they're gold. Not because the draft picks are much better players but because they're cheaper.

**Since there seems to be no big baseball-related news coming, sports writers are scrambling for something to write about. Today, there was a headline on ESPN that Derek Jeter and CC Sabathia attended a Golden State Warriors  game. No mention of any snacks but maybe they're saving that tidbit for tomorrow's flash.
There is a scented candle being sold that smells like KFC fried chicken. The Red Sox have already ordered a years supply.

**Pablo Sandoval has shown up for a workout looking slimmer than he has in years. He claims he spent last season on the DL examining his past behavior and dedicating himself to putting all his efforts into becoming a better person and ballplayer. As the old saying goes, after the last two years, the only way is up.

**Interesting article about the inner workings of teams in putting together trades or signing free agents. Owners are greatly involved with these decisions, but they look at things differently than the "baseball people." Besides determining the budget, they often go with their gut feelings. They'll push to sign a guy or not sign him just because they like/dislike him. One GM with only a few years' experience summed it up best: "In the end, we all work for eccentric billionaires"

College Bowl Games
The plethora of bowl games begin this weekend with five games on Saturday. Brace yourself because There are 38 games in 17 days, plus the final game on January 9th.
**There are so many that the organizers have run out of names, even with all the sponsors. There are 10 bowls that are simply named for the location of the game.
The Birmingham Bowl in Birmingham
The Boca Raton Bowl in Boca Raton
The Las Vegas Bowl in...well, you get the idea.
For the record, add The Texas, The Heart of Dallas, The St. Pete, The Bahamas, The Miami Beach, The New Orleans and The New Mexico
**Then the sponsors take over. It's one thing to insert the sponsors name into the Bowl name, such as The Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl or The Auto Zone Liberty Bowl. But now we also get those bowl games where the sponsor doesn't even bother with a bowl name, such as The Foster Farms, The Quick Lane and The Dollar General. There are 9 of those. They don't even give you a hint as to where they are being played. You know that ESPN will track them down, though. By the way, all but six of all the bowl games are being televised on ESPN.
**One of my favorites is played in Boise, Idaho, a state well-know for it's potatoes. If  you didn't know any of that, the name will reveal all: The Famous Idaho Potato Bowl.
**You would expect teams like Alabama (13-0), Western Michigan (13-0) or Washington (12-1)  to make to a bowl game, but Hawaii (6-7) or North Texas And Miss. St, both 5-7?  Well, somebody has got to play in the Bahamas Bowl. You can't expect Old Dominion to play a scrimmage, even the score might seem like that on Dec. 24th.
**If you live in the East and you want to watch the Boise St. Broncos clean up on the Baylor Bears, better get out the coffee because that game probably won't end until well after 1:00 am EST. On the other hand, if my sister-in-law, Pauline in Ventura, Ca, has put some money on Miami (Ohio), she'll have to have an early breakfast if she wants to protect her investment. That game starts at 8:00 am PST.
** Finally, I'll be rooting big time for my favorite school, the 9-3 Appalachian State Mountaineers against Toledo in the Camelia Bowl. Hurray for the Black & Gold!

***THEY SAID IT***
"CNBC reports Cirque du Soleil wants to hire about 450 new performers. This may include over 75 tightrope walkers, although that’s still up in the air."  -- RJ Currie
"Seattle Seahawks CB Richard Sherman, angry at the NFL’s scheduling of Thursday night games, referred to them as a “Poopfest.” Would that be the title of a potential 49ers Browns game?"  -- Janice Hough
" Husker coaches will receive about $420,000 in bonuses for going to a bowl. And the players who do the actual hitting, running and tackling will be getting, let me check ... $0.00."  -- Brad Dickson
"Panthers QB Cam Newton was benched for not wearing a tie for team travel. Word is he tried jumper cables around his neck, but the coach said, “Don’t start anything.”  -- RJ Currie
"Remember the NY Jets glory days when they featured “The New York Sack Exchange”? (Gastneau, Klecko, Salaam & Lyons) How sad is it when the once proud franchise trotted out The New York Suck Exchange on National TV on Monday night."  -- TC Chong
"After their loss today to Atlanta,  Los Angeles RB Todd Gurley said his team was running what “looked like a middle school offense”   – Did the Rams steal the 49ers playbook?"  -- Janice Hough
"Diehard Cleveland fan Chris McNeil is making plans for a perfect season parade if the Browns finish 0-16. In keeping with the theme, all the floats will feature square tires."  -- Dwight Perry
"The Orioles claim they’re not interested in Jose Bautista because Baltimore fans "don’t like him.”
 What's not to like? Okay, just kidding."  -- RJ Currie
"Cam Newton was held out for one play because of a dress code violation. One play? In college football, this is called “the SEC suspension.”  -- Brad Dickson

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Tuesday, December 06, 2016

AND THE SILLY SEASON CONTINUES

**I don't have to wonder about Rich Hill anymore. The Dodgers signed him yesterday. My sister-in-law had the only reason that made any sense why the high interest in Hill: "He's so cute." It probably won't impress Major League hitters the way a sharp slider would, but who knows.

**The Yanks signed Matt Holliday to be their DH. He's not the hitter that Encarnacion is, but Edwin wanted a four-year contract and Holliday is on a one-year deal. Cheaper, too. Four teams were looking seriously for a DH but EE may have priced himself out of top consideration.

BREAKING NEWS
The Boston Red Sox have acquired LHP Chris Sale from the White Sox for four prospects, two of whom are considered top-flight. This makes me unhappy.

**There were 191 free agents at the end of the season and only 20 have signed so far.With teams looking more and more at trades rather than free agents, there may be a lot of people vying for jobs as a Walmart greeter this spring.

**Aroldis Chapman is looking for a 6-year deal and nobody is biting. He didn't look all that over-powering in the World Series but that may be because he was over used. He is supposedly looking for $100 million but Chapman says that's not true.
If you want scary numbers, Bryce Harper, 24 years old, who will be a free agent next year is thinking 10 Years and $400 million. $40 million for a 35-year old slugger? Don't forget, George Steinbrenner isn't around anymore.

**Speaking of scary numbers, the average age of the Yanks current 40-man roster is 27! The only one older that 33 is Sabathia, who is 36. The Yanks are shopping Chase Headley pretty hard. 

**The Yanks planned to retire Derek Jeter's uniform #2 in May next year. What took them so long?

**What's with all the uniform changes? There used to be continuity in uniforms. See the uniform and you immediately know who was playing. Not any more. Teams play in different colors, in camouflage, even in different styles. They're not even satisfied with just a different color, they make the colors neon. The Cleveland Cavaliers have FIVE different uniforms they use. This is getting silly.

**The Syracuse Orange folded badly last night against a Connecticut team they should have beaten easily. Is it because they aren't used to working together or are they too young? Boeheim has some coaching to do.

Brad Dickson's Final Bottom Ten 
 

6. Massachusetts (2-10)
PAT holder named team MVP.

5. Virginia (2-10)
The postseason awards banquet is at a drive-thru.

And the winner is:
1. Fresno State (1-11)
The Bulldogs claim the 2016 Bottom 10 mythical championship, which probably won’t impress too many visiting recruits. The team lost its final two games by a combined three points, giving fans hope the program can right itself sometime in the next 15 to 20 years.

I will have my usual commentary on the College Bowl lineup next time.

***THEY SAID IT***
"So the  College Football Playoff is set with supposed top 4 college teams in US and Cleveland Browns are ignored again."  -- Janice Hough
"Arizona QB Brandon Dawkins bowled over Miss Arizona,  Chelsea Meyers who was on the sidelines. My wife said Myers was beautiful, but to me she looked run down."  -- RJ Currie
"The most feared kicker in sports is:  a) Barcelona’s Lionel Messi  b) the Ravens’ Justin Tucker  c) the Warriors’ Draymond Green."  -- Dwight Perry

"The Victoria’s Secret fashion show aired Monday night. Either that, or all those people wearing wings and feathers were demonstrating the new Oregon football alternate jerseys."  -- Brad Dickson
"Colin Kaepernick apparently has decided to become a free agent after the season. Wow. He should be about as sought after as SF 49ers season tickets."  -- Janice Hough
" So this year it’s the “Motel 6 Cactus Bowl,” (NCAA football game) on Dec. 27 in Phoenix. The winners all get a free night at a Motel 6, and the losers get two nights."  -- Bill Littlejohn
"Chip Kelly starting to worry 49ers won’t fire him in time to take the Oregon job.”  -- SportsPickle.com
"Despite rumours to the contrary, Vikings coach Mike Zimmer needed emergency eye surgery because his retina detached, not because Minnesota’s offence is an eyesore."  -- RJ Currie
"Some NBA stars took the mannequin challenge. Of course, this is normally called “Playing defense in the All-Star game.”   -- Brad Dickson




CP-
   

Sunday, December 04, 2016

THERE ARE OTHER SPORTS, YOU KNOW.

I'll break into this slowly.

**According to a headline on ESPN, the Yankees are "well positioned" to sign Edwin Encarnacion. What does that mean? Cashman's at the front of the line with a contract in hand?  Hal Steinbrenner has already signed a blank check? The Yanks have EE hidden in a closet somewhere?  Carlos Beltran has signed with the Astros so that leaves Encarnacion as the right-handed, power hitting slugger the Yanks were looking for.
I still don't understand the great interest in Rich Hill. What's so impressive? Certainly not his career stats.

**Except for a spurt late in the 2nd half, the Syracuse Orange dominated North Florida at the Dome last night. It shows you that the 'Cuse has the talent to overpower people.  Unless the other team has the nerve to play defense. I never saw a college team take so many 35+ foot jump shots. Is that the Stephen Curry influence? They may have shot like him but they didn't score like him - 28% on 3-pt. shots.

**The NY Giants have found ways to sneak by a lot of teams so far this year. That may come to end today against a Pittsburgh team that doesn't succumb to pressure by making foolish mistakes. The game is in Pittsburgh and the Steelers are 5-point favorites.
Buffalo is out in Oakland playing in "The Toilet Bowl" the Raiders call a stadium. The Bills are 3 point underdogs, I think mostly because of the odor.
Good news for the Cleveland fans, the Browns are 2 point favorites during their bye week.

**Last night we had to suffer thru a game with Roosevelt Bouie during the SU - N. Florida game. He may be a nice guy and may understand the game, but he couldn't come close to relating it to us. He stumbled, mumbled and generally confused us with any analysis he tried to impart. At first it was irritating and then amusing and finally sad. He's not ready for television.

***THEY SAID IT***
"During the press conference following Ohio State’s double-overtime win over Michigan, Urban Meyer’s wife called. Don’t blame her. She probably hadn’t talked to him since before the season started."  -- Brad Dickson
"You may have heard the Atlanta Braves signed pitchers Bartolo Colon, 43, and 42-year old RA Dicky. However, that’s old news."  -- RJ Currie
"Fired Oregon coach Mark Helfrich says he hoped Chip Kelly would be hired as the new Ducks football coach. “Ditto” said many SF 49ers fans."  -- Janice Hough
"This week, The Seahawks are favored over Carolina by 7, which is more points than they scored their entire last game."  -- TC Chong
"Patriots outfit Gronk with protective cone collar to prevent him from licking his incision wound."  -- SportsPickle.com
"College bowl games this year include the Dollar General Bowl. While the game may be good, I’m pretty sure the gift bag is going to stink."  -- Brad Dickson
"A nine-year-old showed cat-like reflexes by catching his baby brother who had fallen off a table. Metro UK called him a hero; the Cleveland Browns called him with a contract."  -- RJ Currie
"The most feared kicker in sports is: a) Barcelona’s Lionel Messi b) the Ravens’ Justin Tucker
c) the Warriors’ Draymond Green"  -- Dwight Perry
"The 1-10 SF 49ers this Sunday take on the 2-9 Chicago Bears. The game promises to be almost as riveting as the Cleveland Browns vs. bye week."  -- Janice Hough
[From The Sports Reporters]
"The battle isn't always to the strongest and the race isn't always to the swiftest, but...that's the way to bet."  -- Damon Runyon

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Thursday, December 01, 2016

DID SOMEBODY JUST WAKE UP?

I mean besides me.
Sorry for the long delay, but health issues made it hard for me to sit at my computer for more than 5 minutes at a time. Hopefully, I'm on the mend and can resume blogging on a regular basis very soon.

As for the other wake-up call:
The MLB Players association and the owners have come to a new agreement and I love one of the things that changed. The All-Star game is again just an exhibition. It will have no bearing on the home field advantage in the World Series. The owners didn't develop their personal fortunes by being slow on the uptake, yet they let this bit of lunacy continue for 14 long years. Now, the home field advantage will go to the pennant winner with the better regular-season record. I can live with this but I still think the best way to determine it should go the league with the best overall record in inter-league play. We're not there yet, but it's getting closer. There are more changes and I'll comment when I see them detailed.

**The Yanks released Nathan Eovaldi this week. The man has a world of potential but the move makes a lot of sense. Eovaldi wouldn't be able to play at all this year while he recuperates from surgery and will be a free agent at the end of the year, so why tie up a roster spot for someone who can't help the team? They can always try to resign him at some point.

**It's the Silly Season again, and the rumors are flying. The experts say the free-agent field is very weak, so the press has gone into high gear with trade possibilities. Because the Yanks are loaded with minor league, high-end prospects, and some cash available, they are mentioned as a potential landing place for every big name out there. I believe that GM Brian Cashman and the Steinbrenners have learned that shelling out big money, long-term contracts to fading stars just doesn't work.  Cashman is talking about making only "responsible" deals, whatever that means, but he does like to sneak up on the field with a  big deal late in the signing period. The one signing that does appear eminent is Aroldis Chapman. The Yanks want him back and reports are that Chapman is anxious to return.

What I don't under stand is all the interest in southpaw Rich Hill. What's the allure of a soon-to-be 37 year-old with a  total of 38 wins in a 13 year career? At least six teams are in the mix including the Red Sox, Dodgers and, of course, the Yanks.

Speaking of the Dodgers, if they don't cut a significant portion of their salaries, they could pay a luxury tax of 92%, Right now their salary level is around $270 million. At that rate, their luxury tax could approach $250 million next year. That's enough to make George Steinbrenner roll over in his grave.

From Brad Dickson's Bottom Ten

1. Fresno State (1-11)  Fresno State may have lost local support. I’m basing that on the city dogcatcher hauling away the team mascot, some guy dressed in a bulldog suit.

5. Buffalo (2-10)  The Bulls gave up a record number of rushing yards this season. Betty White could have averaged 6 yards per carry against them.

9. Kent State (3-9)  Kent State’s fan is bitterly disappointed.

Courtesy of RJ Currie
"Three highlights from the European curling championships sponsored by Gruy√®re cheese: 3. The shot curd round the world; 2. The Brie-guard zone. 1. It came down to the last Roquefort." 
[Sorry about the puns. I thought ir might help cure RJ if he saw them in print - CP]

***THEY SAID IT***
"Aretha Franklin’s national anthem in the Minnesota-Detroit game took almost five minutes. Had the Niners been playing, Colin Kaepernick's knees would have gone to sleep."  -- RJ Currie
"A 108-year-old Chicago Cubs fan died happy after seeing her team win the World Series. Someone suggested now she begin rooting for the Cleveland Browns and she said, “I’m outta here.”"  -- Brad Dickson
"Aretha Franklin’s National Anthem at the Detroit Minnesota game today took 4min 35sec. The song took so long that Colin Kaepernick who was watching at home, started by standing, then kneeling, then toppling over."  -- Tony Chong
"Two Bills fans who threw a sex toy on the field during a game have been banned from New Era Field for life. On the plus side, they’re now listed 3-4 on the Browns’ quarterback depth chart."  -- Dwight Perry
" The Washington Capitals celebrated “CapsGiving” by letting some kids dressed as turkeys onto the ice. Fans mistook them for the Arizona Coyotes."  -- RJ Currie
" Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce was ejected for throwing a towel at a referee. That reminds me of the time a Cleveland Browns quarterback did the same and the towel was intercepted."  -- Brad Dickson
"From the Sometimes These Items Just Write Themselves file comes word that Baylor associate athletic director Heath Nielsen — whose job description includes the phrase “responsible for management of the public image of the program” — was arrested and charged with assault for allegedly choking a reporter on the field after a 62-22 football loss to TCU."  -- Dwight Perry
"In anticipation of moving to their new home next year, the Atlanta Braves have acquired 43-year old pitchers Bartolo Colon and 42-year old RA Dickey. What is the name of their new place? Jurrasic Park?"  -- Marc Ragovin
"In men’s college basketball, Bryant freshman Ikenna Ndugba got the ball with 4 seconds to play and dribbled out the clock to preserve his team’s win against Brown. Only problem, Bryant was losing 91-90. Who says college athletes don’t need to know math?"  -- Janice Hough

CP-