Friday, February 28, 2014

32 DAYS TO GO

I do watch some of the 'teaser' games, also known as Spring Training games but they don't play for real until April 1st - at least for the Yanks. It's only worthwhile to watch the first 5 innings, because after that, There are guys on the field that I never heard of. Pitchers only pitch one or two innings and lineups often look like they were pulled out of hat; in fact, I think 7/8 was hitting leadoff yesterday. Of all the possibilities available to him, Girardi had Brian Roberts hitting cleanup. No point in commenting on the play since nobody was going at performance level. I did like Kelly Johnson's swing, though.

IT'S ALREADY STARTED
Baseball writers have now progressed from wondering how Derek Jeter will do, to hoping he doesn't get hurt to JETER MUST PERFORM VERY WELL, which is the latest headline. Can't we just let him get into shape before those kind of demands are made on him?

IN OTHER NEWS
In the sport of boxing - sorry about the word 'sport' - Don King has adamantly denied that the Ali-Liston fight was fixed. Okay, now I can relax because, if you can't trust Don King...

The college basketball writers and coaches who rank the teams must be very proud. There were 6 games involving Top 25 teams yesterday, and 5 of them lost.

 Dodger manager, Don Mattingly, got some relief on his starting outfield problem, when Carl Crawford strained a hamstring. Mattingly has four outfielders, all of whom expect to be starters. With Crawford hurt, Don can go back to playing 3 outfielders and 4 infielders, instead of 4 outfielders 3 infielders. Pitchers didn't like that setup anyway, too many groundball hits.  

The SF Giants have made a friendly offer to the Oakland A's. The A's wanted to move out of their outdated stadium and relocate in San Jose, however, the Giants claim the territorial rights there and refuse to give them up. But wait, they don't want to be nasty about this. Giant president Larry Baer has a suggestion. If the A's want to build a new stadium, Baer says the Giants are willing to share AT&T Park with them - providing that they stay the hell out of San Jose. What nice guys.

***THEY SAID IT***
"Women spend an average of 335 hours a year getting themselves ready in the morning, according to the Today/AOL Ideal to Real Body Image Survey.  Or roughly the equivalent of the Super Bowl pregame show."  -- Dwight Perry
"76-year-old Richard Petty vs Danica Patrick. When is this going to happen? Tomorrow, please. America would gobble this up. Prime time, national TV, the nation Super Glued to it. Go Daddy vs. Old Daddy."  -- Rick Reilly
"Wisconsin has a bill to legalize wagering on rubber duck races. I think this is stupid, and I live in a state where legislators considered a bill allowing a human to eat a horse."  -- Brad Dickson

"On March 15, the San Diego Padres are offering free season tickets to fans who can hit a home run at Petco Park off the team’s pitching machine. And considering the way the team has hit lately, winning fans may also be offered a free-agent contract."  -- Janice Hough
"A double disappointment for the US Men’s Hockey team. They went home without a medal, and their rooms weren’t even worthy of being trashed."  -- TC Chong
"Lamar Odom has reportedly signed a deal to play in Spain. When Khloe Kardashian heard about it, she said, "That's not far enough."  -- RJ Currie
"Dallas owner Jerry Jones says it’s his fault, not Tony Romo’s, that the Cowboys haven’t gotten to the Super Bowl. What, because Jones didn’t trade Romo?"  -- Janice Hough
"In Kissimmee, Fla., a "pro wrestling dinner theater" has opened. This is for diners who don't mind when a 450-pound Russian lands on their salad."  -- Brad Dickson

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Tuesday, February 25, 2014

MAKING THOSE TOUGH DECISIONS

Yesterday, I wrote about the toughest calls in sports, now let's talk about the toughest decisions that have to be made in sports management. These decisions generally come from the "Rules Committee" of any sport. Actually, 'tough' is the wrong word. 'Dumb' is a better description.

BASEBALL:
The spirit is willing but the flesh is...scared. Baseball wants to eliminate home plate collisions because of the danger to the players but they don't know how to do it. Okay, it's a wonderful idea, but what did that erudite committee come up with?
## A runner may not go out of his way to run into the catcher when trying to score.
    This makes sense except how many times does a runner ignore the plate or the base path just to knock over the catcher? Why would a runner do that? He doesn't want to get hurt any more than the catcher does.
## A catcher may not block the plate to prevent the runner from scoring, unless...stay with me now...he has the ball or is attempting to catch a throw. Isn't that how the collisions take place anyway? Oh, they throw in that when the only way to catch the throw is to be in the baseline, but again, that's where the throw is supposed to be. If the catcher isn't in the baseline, the runner isn't going to try to hit him and if the throw isn't near the plate, the catcher is going to go after it and not be in the baseline.
So basically the new rule is - "There can be no collisions at home plate...unless there has to be."Which reminds me of one of my frat brothers saying at a meeting, "If you're gonna do, do it. If you're not gonna do it, don't do it." Maybe he was involved in this rule change.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL:
I believe there is a standing rule in college football, "If it doesn't help Nick Saban at Alabama,  you can't do it." Saban doesn't run a hurry-up offense at 'Bama, so he's lobbying for a rule change that would force offenses to delay the snap of the ball for at least 10 seconds between plays so the defense can substitute players. Saban claims it's a safety issue, but teams that run it have no such problems. I guess when he says "safety," he means it will be safer for Saban to win games.

COLLEGE BASKETBALL:
Okay, there is no hand-checking on defense anymore. Mugging is okay, but don't hand-check. Belly-bump him, back a player out the way, but keep those hands where I can see them. In the meantime, we'll try to figure out the difference between a block and a charge.  If there is one.

Opening day of the 2014 baseball season is 33 long days away. I always claim that I'm not going to watch any meaningless, pre-season games, because they have no bearing on the season or the strengths or weaknesses of any of the teams.  But, I end up doing just that. So, bring it on, baseball, and take advantage of me with a sport that's been in my blood since Mickey Mantle blasted his first homer back in 1951.

***THEY SAID IT***
"A Winter Olympics curler was injured. How? He screamed so loud he broke a rib?"  -- Brad Dickson
"Now that the Sochi games are over, most casual American sports fans can stop ignoring the Olympics, and start ignoring the NHL and NBA regular seasons."  -- Janice Hough
"Kazakhstan finished last in the medal count with 1 bronze at Sochi. Richard Petty said they would have won it all if no one else showed up."  -- TC Chong
"Richard Petty has accepted Tony Stewart’s challenge to race Danica Patrick. At 76, it’ll be interesting to see what wears out first: Richard or his turn signal."  -- Gary M
"Three competitors in the skicross quarterfinals crashed as they crossed the finish line. It was immediately voted “Favorite Winter Olympic Moment” by American NASCAR fans"  -- Brad Dickson
" I just awoke from the mother of all psychedelic nightmares. Don Cherry was wearing  Norwegian curling pants."  -- RJ Currie
"After Adelina Sotnikova’s gold-medal performance in Sochi, The Russian skater said she was inspired by her family, her coaches and what happened to the losing — and now missing — Russian men’s hockey team.”  --  Conan O'Brien
"Southern Miss says it will list incoming football recruit Picasso Nelson as a defensive back. In other words, they’ve already painted him into a corner."  -- Dwight Perry
"I wouldn't say Winter Olympic figure skating scoring was skewed toward Russian competitors, but you got extra points for identifying a photo of Khrushchev."  -- Brad Dickson

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...a personal reminder to Chad...

...and if we don't get the pledges, were ('Cused at Duke) screwed!


Monday, February 24, 2014

CHECK REALITY AT THE DOOR


Bilas…

Unlike Dick Vitale, when Jay Bilas works an ACC basketball game he generally makes an insightful comment or two. Not tonight.

Bilas commented that SU Coach Jim Boeheim was wondering what kind of game would be called in the Orange’s game at Maryland given his riveting head-explosion at the wholly incompetent calls in Saturdays game at Duke.

Bilas continued that, “Even Oliver Stone couldn’t make up a fantasy that good”, if Boeheim thought that the officials might be in “get even mode”. 

Maryland shot 27 FTs. 

SU 6.

Bilas, a four year starter at Duke and an assistant coach for three years under Krzyzewski,  should know, better than most, that in the ACC truth is always stranger than fiction.

Denny…

The Miami Dolphins player’s union rep said that if an investigation similar to the one conducted into the Dolphins bullying fiasco was conducted into the operations of every other NFL franchise, the results would be the same.

If true, the NFL is thoroughly rotten at the core.

If not true, Denny, the Dolphins’ rep, is thoroughly rotten at the core.

Nice choice.

No mas!

I need a break from NFL murderers, wife beaters, bigots, cheating coaches,  head hunting bounties, primping and pompous soon to be rookies, and ESPN's incessant, ex-player-talking-head apologists. 



V -

Sunday, February 23, 2014

WHAT'S THE TOUGHEST CALL IN SPORTS?

One of the great things about sports are the arguments over who has the best team or who is the best player. The worst thing about sports are the 'close' calls, also known as the 'worst' calls.
Managers are always saying that they hate it when an umpire's (or referee's) call, determine the outcome of the game. The committees who determine the rules of a game never seem to understand this. They try to legislate the judgement calls out of a sport, but all they succeed in doing, is setting up even more arguments. On top of which, game officials don't even make calls that are easy, just because of tradition. Tradition?
You want examples?
The neighborhood play at 2nd base. There are a number of times that infielders aren't even close to the bag when trying to relay a throw to first base, yet the umps call the runner out every time. The argument here is that they are trying to protect the fielder from the baserunner, who is bearing down on them with mayhem in their hearts. That's their job, to stop the double play. If you want to protect the runner, just declare that hitting a fielder at second base is illegal, just as you're trying to do at home plate.
The half-swing ball/strike. No one, NO ONE knows what that is, so eliminate it.
The blocking/charge call in basketball. Bob Ryan says it best. "When you just stand in front of a player like a lamppost, that's not defense. Defense is trying to stop the scoring."  You want to stop the controversy? That's easy. There IS no charging call. Period. End of problem, now let's play defense.
The helmet-first hit in football. Football is controlled mayhem. Maybe it's not even controlled. Today's players are much more skilled and athletic than they were 40 years ago. If you really want the game to go back to being an exhibition of skill rather than a legal gang fight, eliminate helmets. Before you say, how stupid, consider this. Rugby is a tough sport, too. No helmets in that one.

When discussing officiating in any sport, let's go back to basics. Officials are there to ensure that players follow the rules. Call ALL the violations. Even the ones that aren't glamorous.
## Hitters should stay in the batter's box and not step out after every pitch and wander around home plate.
## Pitchers should get the ball, get the signal, and throw. Not rub up the ball or check the weather in the deep recesses of center field.
## When you score a touchdown, hand the ball to an official and go to the bench, No histrionics, no dances and no trash talk.  No dances or celebrating for any reason until you go back to the bench. Then you can stage a dance sequence from Glee, for all I care.
## Hang on the rim at all and it's a technical. They allow it so players  can be assured of a safe landing. You only need to protect yourself because you hang on the rim. Make it a technical foul and disallow the basket. This will probably eliminate the posturing after a dunk, too. Not to mention that it will eliminate 50% of ESPN's "Top Ten dunks,er....plays from the day before.

Because officials allow players to get away with this, youngsters pick it up and exaggerate it, so year after year, it gets worse.

Obviously, the Duke-Syracuse game is what initiated this posting and Vod's too. It just seems that the bigger or more important the game, the worse the officiating gets. Or maybe we just notice it more. Either way, at least we can be assured that Jim Boeheim is not on any Valium regimen.

I see that the San Fran Giants are bringing Barry Bonds into spring training as an instructor. I wonder if he's going to supply the syringes, too.

***THEY SAID IT***
"Now that Robinson Cano is making the kind of money he’s making with the Mariners, I think he should just hire somebody to run out ground balls for him."  -- Mike Lupica
"The Sochi Olympics are almost over. And March Madness is just around the corner. So most Americans can soon go from cheering for sports they’ve never cared about before, to cheering for teams they’ve never cared about before."  -- Janice Hough
"The Detroit Pistons fired bench boss Mo Cheeks. You know you have a problem when you're parting with coaches faster than Taylor Swift parts with boyfriends."  -- RJ Currie
" A “possibly rabid” possum showed up at Philadelphia Phillies spring training. This was very dangerous. If the rabid possum came across any Philadelphia sports fans, it could have been hurt."  -- Brad Dickson
"In the NBA All-Star Game, the final score was Eastern Conference 877, Western Conference 873. Or something like that."  -- Brad Dickson
"Oakland A’s pitcher Drew Pomeranz missed the Oakland A’s first spring-training workout because of an ingrown leg hair. So who tended to that one, the team trainer or the head groundskeeper?"  -- Dwight Perry
"Yankee shortstop Derek Jeter and model girlfriend Hannah Davis have reconciled. Apparently he’s batted around and is back to the top of the order."  -- Fark.com

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Saturday, February 22, 2014

HOLD YOUR NOSE


First things first…

A reminder to Syracuse University basketball fans that the screwing the Orange received at Duke will in no way make any meaningful difference in your lives today, unless you bet the mortgage money on an SU win.

Next, we can expect SU Coach Jim Boeheim to suppress the truth that he so eloquently expressed when the “screw de grace” was administered by the official who called a charge on C.J. Fair’s basket that should have tied the game with 10 seconds remaining.

JB’s repeated scream of “That’s bullshit!” as he stormed onto the court was wholly accurate. It’s a shame he’ll need to temper the truth when it was so visible for all to see.

On the other hand, the call was consistent with the mountain of crap that the zebras liberally plopped on the court throughout the event. The critical blocking call on SU’s Michael Gbinije, run over by an out of control Jabari Parker,  was a particularly smelly highlight.

The ACC, with the addition of new teams this season, remains proof of that old saw, ‘The more things change, the more they remain the same.”

Getting screwed at Cameron is simply the price of playing in the league. 

V -

AROUND THE LEAGUE

STRANGE HEADLINES
"Harvey is cleared to toss baseballs by the Mets."  Next week, they're going to let him catch them.

THE PROBLEM WITH HAVING TOO MANY SUPERSTARS
Both Andre Ethier and Matt Kemp have stated that they will not accept being a "fourth" outfielder. Carl Crawford doesn't expect to be and Mattingly doesn't dare put Yasiel Puig in that position. One of them is probably going to have to play first. No, wait.. Andrian Gonzales says that he...   I think Mattingly has a problem.

THIS IS A WEIGHTY PROBLEM
Adding to his manager's headaches, Yasiel Puig showed up at training camp 26 lbs overweight. Actually, that's not so bad. The Mariner's Jesus Montero came into camp 40 lbs overweight. At least now we know where all the weight CC Sabathia lost, went.
Sometimes there is a trade that works out for both teams. I give you the Montero for Pineda deal. It didn't work out well, but it worked out the same: Pineda hasn't played and Montero hasn't produced.

RED SOX VERSUS YANKEES
This is another strange headline. "Lucchino and Levine start war of words" A bit of an overreach by Mark Feinsand of ESPN. Actually, the "war" is kind of one-sided.
"They (the Yanks) are still, this year at least, relying heavily on their inimitable old-fashioned Yankees style of high-priced, long-term free agents. I can’t say I wish them well, but I think we’ve taken a different approach.”  - Lucchino    That's not so bad. At least he didn't refer to the Yanks as the "Evil Empire."
"Ben Cherington and the Red Sox did a great job last year winning the World Series, but I’m confident Cash and Joe and our players will compete with a great Red Sox team to win a world championship this year.” - Levine   Ouch. I guess that Feinsand thinks calling a team 'great' is an insult.

IT IS THE NCAA, AFTER ALL
It is illegal under NCAA rules for an amateur player to be represented by an agent. The Phillies have informed the NCAA that two players they drafted last year both had agents negotiating for them. Some say it's a case of sour grapes, since neither player accepted the Phillies offer. Others say that this goes on all the time and no one cares, least of all the NCAA. You mean in all these years, this never came up? That the NCAA never heard about it? That the NCAA will now step in and severely punish those parties involved? That a full investigation will begin to determine what the scope of these illegal activities is?
The answers are NO, NO, NO AND NO.  What did you expect?

Syracuse needs to beat Duke tonight. If they do, I think they ought to retain their #1 ranking in the polls, Wichita St. notwithstanding.  BTW, Wichita St's final three games are against teams with a combined 42-40 record.

***THEY SAID IT***
"The president of Clowns of America, citing a lack of young talent, says membership is plummeting.Though not for any lack of trying on Dennis Rodman’s part."  -- Dwight Perry
"A guy proposed to his girlfriend on the Kiss Cam during a Toronto Maple Leafs game. First time anybody’s got a ring there since 1967.”  -- Randy Turner, Winnipeg Free Press
"The Daytona 500 is this weekend. Hoping to win points with environmental activists, President Obama will issue an executive action requiring all the drivers to carpool in one vehicle."  -- Brad Dickson
"Rumour has it Tim Tebow has been trying to become a ventriloquist. Unfortunately, whenever he throws his voice it goes way over everyone's head."  -- RJ Currie
"One of this year’s Olympic oxymorons: U.S. Speedskaters."  -- Janice Hough
"Tuesday’s Indiana-Iowa basketball game in Bloomington, Ind., had to be postponed when a 60-pound ornamental plate fell from the ceiling about five hours before tipoff.Thus shattering the Assembly Hall record for flying metal set on Feb. 23, 1985 by Bob Knight’s flying chair."  -- Dwight Perry
"There's a figure skating controversy at the Winter Olympics, supposedly due to a judge who has no place judging Olympic competition. But it was nice seeing Tonya Harding again."  -- Brad Dickson
"U of Missouri College football star has admitted he is gay. Most NFL players say they wouldn’t have a problem with that, as long as he performs well on the field and helps them with their hair styles after games."  -- TC Chong
 
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Friday, February 21, 2014

DRIVERS, SHOOT YOUR MOUTHS OFF!


Since 1959, it’s proven that year after year, lap after lap, the Daytona 500 is the race that creates more memories, more hall-of-fame moments and more believers in the power of racing dreams than any other – and this year’s action has already heated up.

Tony Stewart (winner of 48 Sprint Cup races and 2 championships), never one to shy away from firing off his flame throwing mouth, suggested that Richard Petty (winner of 200 NASCAR races, 7 Daytona 500 races and 7 NASCAR Grand National championships), keep his shut, particularly about Haas-Stewart Racing employee Danica Patrick (winner of 0 Sprint Cup races).

Fat Tony told Performance Racing Network that he suggested Patrick challenge the 76-year-old Petty, NASCAR's all-time leader in wins to a match race after Petty suggested that the only way Patrick could win a Sprint Cup race is if “everybody else stayed home”.

"I think that (a race) would pretty much settle it once and for all, maybe get him to shut up a little bit, too," Stewart said. "I will supply the cars. If he wants to race her, I'll make sure they have exactly the same setup in the car and give him the chance. He can drive one of my 14 cars. I don't care."

Interesting idea but Tony is not the best guy to trust, particularly regarding car set-ups. H-SR drive Kevin Harvick was disqualified after his Stewart prepared car failed to pass the post-race inspection in last night’s Budweiser Duel.

Coincidentally, both Stewart and Patrick will be starting at the back of the pack on Sunday in the 500 because, well, it seems that Harvick’s car was not the only one with “set-up” anomalies. 

Showcasing his exceptionally smooth, diplomatic style, Stewart said that if Patrick were to win the proposed race with Petty, whom at 76 has not raced in over 25 years, "If I were her, I'd take (the checkered flag) over there and cram it up his ass.”

Petty, who raced against Junior Johnson and others who made Dale Earnhardt look like a gentleman driver, agreed to the challenge. When pressed by "Fox & Friends" hosts on Friday morning, he reaffirmed, "Oh, yeah. When is this going to happen?"

When asked by Fox hosts about his critique of Patrick's career, he stated, "I judge by results."

Now that seems unfair. Right, Tony?

V - 

INSIDE ROGER GOODELL'S NOGGIN


Where's Roger?

The Republican-controlled Arizona state Senate voted along party lines Wednesday to pass Senate Bill 1062, a measure that would allow businesses to reject service to any customer based solely on the owners’ religious beliefs.

The bill reads:

"Exercise of religion" means the PRACTICE OR OBSERVANCE OF RELIGION, INCLUDING THE ability to act or refusal to act in a manner substantially motivated by a religious belief whether or not the exercise is compulsory or central to a larger system of religious belief.”

"SB 1062 permits discrimination under the guise of religious freedom," said state Senate Democratic Leader Anna Tovar. "With the express consent of Republicans in this Legislature, many Arizonans will find themselves members of a separate and unequal class under this law…”

Successful passage of SB 1062 have encouraged the efforts of Arizona legislators to normalize current state law with biblical law including the following:

Exodus 35:2
“For six days, work is to be done, but the seventh day shall be your holy day, a day of Sabbath rest to the Lord. Whoever does any work on it is to be put to death.”

Roger Goodell has expressed concern about the impact this might have on his business.

Leviticus 20:10
“If a man commits adultery with another man's wife—with the wife of his neighbor—both the adulterer and the adulteress must be put to death.”

The measure has had some difficulty gaining conservative support because passage would mean too many politicians would be put to death.

And finally (in more ways than one), in full accordance with the Bible, SB 1075 proposes that priests will again oversee worship, animal and vegetable sacrifices, temple administration, marriage counseling, the installation of kings, and a whole host of other duties – including not only diagnosing illnesses but also declaring someone healed.

So if you get snake bite or ingest poison, the Bible and SB 1075 say you should go see your priest. Although with so few priests going to med school these days, the best treatment you’ll get is probably your Last Rites.

While the craven, money grubbing, medical monopolists AMA is actively lobbying against passage of this measure, Roger Goodell, a high profile supporter, believes it could save the NFL millions in medical payments to concussed players.

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Wednesday, February 19, 2014

LONG (NOT KEVIN) LIVE 'THE KING'

This just in...

Where did Richard Petty ever get the idea that Danica Patrick is more a NASCAR sex object than competitive driver?

Maybe, here...

http://deadspin.com/danica-patricks-si-nipple-a-lesson-in-internet-boob-1525126698/+Tom_Ley

OPEN WIDE, MOTOR MOUTHS ROCK ON


NASCAR legend Richard Petty has pulled a Kevin Long – speaking the truth when the wise move was shutting up.

 “The King” said that the only reason Danica Patrick receives attention is that she is a woman and that the only way she could win a Sprint Cup race is if “everybody else stayed home.”

Kudos to the King for still having sharp enough eyesight to recognize that under that fire suit resides the slightly-slutty-GoDaddy.com-you-bet-she’s-a-woman image NASCAR loves  to broadcast and suggesting that a driver who has an average finish in the mid-20s is unlikely to win a race anytime in the near future seems wholly reasonable.

Much to Petty’s surprise, more than a few folks took issue with his thoughts and called him out as a sexist pig.

Possibly missing their point (by a mile or so) Richard responded that if the first name of the driver he mentioned were Danny, rather than Danica, no one would have blinked an eye. In a successful effort to dig his hole a little deeper, Petty said he has been married for 55 years proving “I love women.”

Richard, speak truth to the politically correct and they’ll take you out in the corner.


Aging rocker Ted Nugent recently entertained conservative wing-nuts by describing President Obama as a “subhuman mongrel”. Of course, Nugent’s mouth severed any connection with his or any other brain years ago.

 At the NRA’s 2012 convention in St. Louis, Nugent recommended that conservatives “ride onto that battlefield (the election) and chop [Democrats’] heads off in November,” adding that if Obama was re-elected, “I will be either dead or in jail by this time next year.”

In an election night Tweet he spewed, “Pimps whores & welfare brats & their soulless supporters have a president to destroy America.”

Sadly, since Obama’s re-election in 2012, Nugent is neither dead nor imprisoned and his mouth motors on.

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Tuesday, February 18, 2014

IT'S A LITTLE LATE NOW


Kevin Long gave a fair assessment of Robinson Cano when he said that Cano did not always run out routine ground balls. 

Seattle manager Lloyd McClendon was also correct in his suggestion that Long would better serve his current employer if he would just shut the hell up.

Brian Cashman added that he was surprised at Long’s comments.

Joe Girardi, the Yankee manager (remember him) and Cano's day-to-day boss, apparently never saw Cano's jogs out of the box on routine ground balls as a particularly big deal -  while omniscient Yankee fans filled the comment sections of several sports feeds with the typical irrational rants, drivel and opinions presented as facts - without supporting evidence - that we have grown to expect from partisan fans everywhere, but especially from New York.

According to the overwhelming reaction of Yankee fans, Cano was the laziest player who ever wore pinstripes. He gave up at least 20 doubles a year because of his failure to ever run out of the box. He was a fielder who lacked hustle, giving away runs with casual play, a man who betrayed New York for a few score millions of dollars.

Thank God he’s gone, they say. The Yankees will be a better team without him – someone who could never aspire to be the ‘face of the Yankees’.

Well good luck with that.

Long will likely have little time to further comment on anyone given what he has to work with this year - and he might be looking for work by the end of the season.

It is fortunate the Yankees have superior speed in center and left. They’ll need it with the infield defense they’ll be putting on the diamond – without arguably the best 2nd baseman in the AL.

With an infield that includes two rehabs, one retread and a never was, I’m waiting for the Dog Days to see if Derek Jeter can be a 40 year old Mr. Marvelous (that would be nice), if Mark Teixeira can learn to hit for a respectable average (are you listening, Kevin), if Brian Roberts is still playing, period, and if I Don’t Know is their secret answer at third.

One thing is certain. Yankee fans will remain the loudest, crudest and most annoying blowhards (in spite of the best efforts of Red Sox bleaters everywhere).

V -

IT'S A LONG WAY TO FIRST BASE

     The one thing that always bothered me about Robinson Cano, is that he refused to put a lot of effort into running out ground balls. In fact, sometimes he put forth almost no effort. Occasionally, it would bother me so much, that I would scream "RUN, WILL YOU?" so loud that Annie-O would come trotting into the living room with a startled look on her face. "What's the matter? What do want?" "Oh, not you. It's that lazy Cano again."
     I always wondered why Girardi never benched Cano after one of his leisurely strolls down the line. Or that the Yanks never announced a fine. Sometimes Girardi would say they had spoken to Robbie, but it never seemed to do any good. The only explanation I could come up with, was that Cano was in his contract year and they didn't want him to become unhappy with Girardi or the Yankee front office. And where was the Captain, Derek Jeter, in all this.
     Well, now he's gone, and people are starting to open up. Kevin Long says he had been pushing Cano to run hard or at least put out more effort when running out ground balls, but he couldn't  seem to make any headway. It seemed to be Cano's only flaw, and with the Yanks struggling so much last year, it seemed to be a low priority item to be harping on.
     Sportsnation ran a poll asking if players jogging to first base bothered you. Out of 90,000+ votes, only 47% said it bothered them, which I thought was about half of what it should be. Billy Martin, for example,  would have given Cano an excuse for running slowly by constantly kicking Cano in the shin until he began to realize that he should run harder. Of the 2200+ that voted in Washington state, only 540 people (24%) thought it was a problem. I'd like to see this poll run again this October and see what the Mariner fans think about this after watching him perform his waltz down the line for 81 games this summer. Even the manager in the movie  Bull Durham would have called Cano a "Lolly-gagger."

A note to the Yankees: If you're still not sure if Jeter can handle shortstop, and you're worried about the continued health of Brian Roberts, not to mention the offensive inabilities of Kelly Johnson, I remind you that Stephen Drew is still available. Not only could he take over for Jeter, but he could also handle 2nd or 3rd if needed, and he has played some 1st base. You already know you're gong to need a new shortstop next year anyway.
Sign him!

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Monday, February 17, 2014

WHO?


"We're back to being the Yankees again," said Mark Teixeira. 

He may be right, but I wonder just what Yankees team this edition is ‘back to being.’

I can’t recall a Yankee team with a first baseman who essentially missed all of last season and had steady declines in production the two previous -  and a 40-year-old shortstop making an announced farewell tour. 

The Yankee infield is a lot like the revered Abbot & Costello’s ‘Who’s On First’ lineup - but the Yanks have ‘Who’ on 2nd.  ‘I Don’t Know’ is still playing third, but they weren't Yankees. 

Oh, wait. Tex must mean that this off-season the Yankees spent nearly $500,000,000 to sign a singles hitting center fielder, a .250 catcher and a 40 year old outfielder. Now it makes sense

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Sunday, February 16, 2014

A FEW THOUGHTS

##  It seem there is a new Olympic rule: If you don't win, protest. The Russians have protested the American Hockey Team win over Russia in a shootout, because a 3rd period Russian goal was disallowed by an American referee because the net had become dislodged. The Russians say it wasn't and claimed, "...the fix was in." That's the old Olympic spirit.

##  The American speed skating squad claim the new suits they were given before the Olympics not only didn't improve their performances, they may have hindered them. One part of the controversy dwells on some vents in the rear of the suits were not aero-dynamic. They were supposed to allow body heat to escape. So much for secret American advanced technology.

##  Not so good news out of Florida. The Yanks new million dollar pitcher, Masahiro Tanaka had a lot of trouble trying to run a mile during a workout yesterday. Tanaka said himself that he had, "a lot of trouble during the last four laps."  So he can't run. You don't have to run the ball up to the plate.

## How did the Yankees miss this one?  The Mets are offering an "Ultimet" ticket. With the purchase of this ticket, you get a $10 certificate good for some of the food concessions in the park. Not a bad deal. Or is it? the fine print says, "If you choose this offer, an additional $10 will automatically be added to your shopping cart."  So you get to spend money at a concession stand that you have already partially paid for.

##  The US Army has announced that they have developed a pizza for the soldiers that will last on the shelf for three years. What's the big deal? Hasn't Papa John's been doing that for years?

##  Morgan Shepard is attempting to become the oldest driver to compete in the Dayton 500 at age 72. At least now when he drives around the track with his left blinker on...he means it.

***THEY SAID IT***
"Curling would be a lot more fun to watch if they could run the competition simultaneously on the ice with figure skating."  -- Janice Hough 
"Derek Jeter said he will retire at the end of the 2014 season. MLB is bracing for approximately 2 million “Take A-Rod with you” grandstand signs"  -- Brad Dickson.
"A Swedish skier wiped out after his pants fell down. If this is your favorite Olympic moment so far, you are probably not a true connoisseur of winter sports."  -- Brad Dickson
"Canadian Olympic ice dancer Tessa Virtue may be lithe and beautiful, but if I met her at a party I wouldn't give her a second look. In a related story, my wife is my proofread."  -- RJ Currie
" Morehead State basketball player Chad Posthumus hasn’t picked up any dead-ball fouls. ... If Posthumus winds up as the national rebounding champion, how will the award be awarded?"  -- Scott Ostler
"Seahawks defensive end Michael (“This isn’t Costco”) Bennett says the team won’t be getting a home-team discount when it comes time to negotiate his new contract. In keeping with his stellar 2013 season, he’s demanding enough cash to fill 8.5 sacks."  -- Dwight Perry
"I have been told there is one actual sport, biathlon, that involves both cross-country skiing and shooting guns. That happens to be a very popular sport in Miami, but without the cross-country skiing part."  -- Greg Cote
"Bob Costas didn’t go back to the U.S. for treatment of his conjunctivitis. The only flights out were red-eyes."  -- TC Chong
"Russian figure skater Evgeni Plushenko withdrew because of  a back injury. As he was coming off the ice, he tripped and fell on the carpet and, out of habit, the Russian judge gave him a perfect score."  -- Alex Kaseberg

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Friday, February 14, 2014

TO RUSSIA WITH LOVE


Straight from Mount Rushmouth… Michael Sam is Coming for You!

Rush Limbaugh’s reaction to Michael Sam coming out: Heterosexuals are “under assault”. 

Speaking on his radio show on Tuesday, the right-wing’s favorite pundit responded to Sam’s coming out by saying, “Heterosexuality has no political agenda and there is no agenda attached to it.” 

 “Heterosexuality does not have activists.” (Unless you live in Kansas, Utah, NC, SC, Georgia, Mississippi, or any of the 27 other states with marriage exclusion laws or worse.)

Mount Rushmouth continued: “[Heterosexuals] may be 95, 98 percent of the population — they’re under assault by the 2-5 percent that are homosexual.”

NFL Investigation Finds "Pattern Of Harassment" In Miami

Ted Wells has released his report on allegations of bullying in the Dolphins locker room. The Report finds that the assistant trainer repeatedly was the object of racial slurs and other racially derogatory language; that the other offensive lineman was subjected to homophobic name-calling and improper physical touching; and that Martin was taunted on a persistent basis with sexually explicit remarks about his sister and his mother and at times ridiculed with racial insults and other offensive comments."

In short, the treatment of Martin and others in the Miami Dolphins organization at times was offensive and unacceptable in any environment.

But what if their actions were simply a response to Rushmouth’s “homosexual assault”?

The Search for Intelligent Life Continues... Still No Positive Results

Al Roker, famous for his ability to read the National Weather Service forecast, blasted NYC Mayor de Blasio on Twitter for keeping schools open this Thursday. Before Al tweets his beak again he might best learn how to do a bit of fact-finding on his own.

Listen up Al…

Wednesday evening, New York City Schools Chancellor Carmen Farina said that city schools would be open Thursday despite the storm that could bring 8-12 inches to New York.

"Due to anticipated inclement weather conditions, all school field trips will be cancelled tomorrow. Schools will be open," Farina said.

This has led to some predictable grumbling and even outrage, but New York City has a history of actively trying to avoid closing schoolsABC 7 asked Farina today for more clarification on the decision to keep schools open.

A big part of the decision, she said, comes down to the fact that if schools are closed, many children don't eat.

"Many of our kids don't get a hot lunch and, in many cases breakfast, unless they go to school.”

She did emphasize that it's a parent's decision whether they send their kids to school or not. 

We are Not the Dumbest... USA! USA! USA!

For the National Science Foundation's "Science and Engineering Indicators 2014" report, researchers posed 10 basic science questions to people in the U.S., Europe and Asia. Among the questions were: "Electrons are smaller than atoms. True or false?" and "Does the Earth go around the sun, or does the sun go around the Earth?" -- and the question that revealed some major ignorance about baby-making:

More than a third of Americans don’t know that fathers determine the sex of the baby – and even that’s not bad compared to the rest of the world - 

 True/False: It’s the fathers genes that determine if the baby is a boy or girl.

Percent giving the correct answer:

EU – 64%
US – 63%
Russia – 22%

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Thursday, February 13, 2014

A MAGIC MOMENT


DEREK JETER: HUG-UP
Posted by Robert Angell in  The New Yorker

“How shall we say this? That Derek Jeter got it done? That Derek is the first and only Yankee to attain three thousand hits—can that still be right?—

“Nothing went wrong on (that) brilliant, blue-sky Saturday afternoon. Two hits shy of the tri-millennial mark, Jeter amped expectations with his first-inning single against the Tampa Bay lefty David Price. “Now!” said the forty-eight thousand one hundred and eight fans on hand—not counting the right-field bleacher chorus chanting “Der-ek Je-tuh! De-rek Je-tuh!”—when he stepped in again against Price in the third. The tough at-bat went to three and two, with two more full-count fouls, and Jeter looked almost awkward as he bent and swung at an inside curveball and got all of it, driving the ball into the second tier of seats in the left center-field bleachers.”

Magic.

THE COURT SAID ACC
THE GAME WAS CLASSIC BIG EAST
Following yesterday’s Syracuse – Pitt basketball game the New York Athletic Commission announced that any future SU – Pitt games cannot be held in Syracuse until New York State legalizes Mixed Martial Arts contests.

HELPFUL CAROLINA TIP
Walking around in the snow and ice that's hit much of the East Coast can be a treacherous undertaking. But forget fancy snow boots with grips. Just pull some socks over your shoes.

Yes, you heard right. And science proves it. 

Wearing socks over your shoes is a great way to get more traction and avoid slipping on ice, according to a real, actual study in the New Zealand Medical Journal, titled "Preventing winter falls: a randomised controlled trial of a novel intervention."

WATCH CABLE NEWS, BECOME DUMB
During George Zimmerman's trial for the alleged murder of Trayvon Martin, the media relied mostly on one man for pro-Zimmerman commentary: his friend and fellow neighborhood watch volunteer, Frank Taaffe. It has since come to light that Taaffe is an ex-con and fervent white supremacist who believes that whites and blacks have no business mingling and claims that "the only time a black life is validated is when a white person kills them." He also hosts a white-power podcast. On one episode last fall he argued that all women who married black men would probably meet the same fate as Nicole Brown Simpson. ("I always say, you lie down with dogs you're going to get fleas—especially if they're black dogs.")

Nevertheless, the cable news networks have continued to give Taaffe airtime. Most recently, CNN's sister network, HLN, has been tapping him for commentary on the case of Michael Dunn, who, like Zimmerman, stands accused of murdering a black teenager in Florida. In the last few days, Taaffe has appeared on HLN at least six times, and he says on his Facebook page that he's slated to make nightly appearances on two HLN shows, Nancy Grace and Dr. Crew on Call, for the remainder of the week. 


MOVE TO KANSASS, BECOME DUMBER
On Wednesday, the Kansass House of Representatives took a step back to the 1890s with a bill to legalize discrimination against gay couples. Approved by a vote of 72 to 49, House Bill No. 2453 would allow businesses and government employees, on the basis of their personal religious beliefs, to deny service to same-sex couples. The law specifies businesses with “public accommodations,” but—in effect—that covers almost everything.

What does this mean in the real world? If you and your partner want to go buy groceries, but the owner—or manager—doesn’t “agree” with your relationship, they can refuse you service. If you want to go the movies, and the owner decides she’s uncomfortable—she can kick you out. Hotels can deny entry, gyms can deny access, and restaurants can eject you without consequence.

To put this simply, the Kansass House has just endorsed a comprehensive system of anti-gay discrimination. If it becomes law—which isn’t unlikely, given Republican control of the statehouse and governorship—it will yield a segregated world for gays and their allies, as they are forced to use businesses and other services that aren’t hostile to them.

MARRIED MEN, THE DUMBEST EVER
For the first time since the Pew Research Center has kept track of such things, the percentage of American women who are more highly educated than their husbands is higher than the percentage of husbands who have more degrees than their wives.

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Wednesday, February 12, 2014

THE NATION – DUMB AND DUMBER


The National Science Foundation reports that the percentage of Americans who think astrology is "not at all scientific" declined from 62 percent in 2010 to just 55 percent in 2012 (the last year for which data is available).

A study from Yale and George Mason University research teams on climate change communication shows a 7-percentage-point increase in the proportion of Americans who say they do not believe that global warming is happening. And that's just since the spring of 2013.
  
Responding to the news that Washington Governor Jay Inslee had suspended the death penalty in his state, Texass Governor Rick Perry seized on the opportunity to urge Washington residents to “vote with your feet and move to Texass, where the death penalty is thriving.”

At a hastily called press conference, the Texass Governor made an emotional appeal to Washingtonians who might be disappointed by the sudden suspension of executions in their state: “Come to Texass. The death penalty is alive and well here.”

Blasting Governor Inslee, he reassured Washington residents that if they move to Texass, “as God is my witness, no one will ever take your death penalty away from you.” 

“That’s just not what we’re made of in Texass,” he said. “We believe in the sanctity of death.”

And finally… Pittsburg was installed as the favorite in their game v. Syracuse. Ha!

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LOTSA NEWS

## The number one headline has to be Derek Jeter's announcement of his retirement after this season. I guess we're in for another "Retirement Tour." Nothing wrong with it, but it is sad to lose a great player and a wonderful representative for baseball two tears in a row. I hope he has a successful season and can still play effectively. Don't go out like Willie Mays, falling down in the outfield while chasing a fly ball. Go out like Ted Williams, hitting a home run in your last at bat.

## The Texas Rangers are bringing Nolan Ryan back into the fold as an 'executive adviser.' I don't know what that means, probably Ryan doesn't either. He says he has "no hard feelings for The Ranger management."  Right, and I like to root for the Red Sox.

## Speaking of  the Red Sox, the Yanks last series of the year is in Fenway Park, and it should be Jeter's last game, so expect ticket prices, always higher than usual for a "premium game," to be out of sight for this one. Wouldn't it be funny is Jeter pulled a 'Mariano Rivera' and stopped playing after his final game in Yankee Stadium? Just sayin'...

## I don't understand this one. The Phillies just gave A.J. Burnett a contract for $16 million for this season. This one makes no sense to me. This isn't a deal that puts the Phillies over the top. This deals says they've gone over the edge.

## Roy Oswalt has retired. For a pretty good pitcher, he had a strange career. In his first 8 years, he won 116 games and lost 57. For his last seven, he won only 47 while losing 45. Not the kind of record you'd expect from a guy people considered ace.

## Joe Lunardi is ESPN's official Bracketologist. His job is to set up the NCAA March Madness brackets, using his opinion of the strengths of all the teams and tries to outguess where and how the tournament officials will set up the official one. Right now, he's just picking the four #1 seeds. Later on, he will forecast the whole tournament.  Only problem is, he changes his picks so often, that, eventually, one of them comes very close to the real brackets. It must be up to us to decide which one is right.

## ESPN headline: Shaun White finishes fourth, breaking his string of gold medals in the Olympics. Okay, he gave it his best shot and fourth place in the world isn't a disaster. Here's my problem with the situation.

The television broadcast bothers me. They build up a situation in the Olympics, in this case, White's quest for a third gold medal, then they stall showing you his actual race, all the while repeating over and over, what's at stake. Last night, they kept switching back and forth from the half-pipe event to other events, taking all the  enjoyment out of the event and turning it into a soap opera. You had to watch 2 hours and 55 minutes of their program before they allowed you to see the actual attempt.
When ABC's Wide World of Sports first started to broadcast the Olympics, they took you to the venue and let you watch the event, with all the normal delays of the event. You got to watch the lesser athletes perform and, in some cases, fail badly, along with the more skilled athletes. This gave you a better feel for how hard the sport was and let you appreciate the efforts of the medal winners. There are some events which we couch potatoes have no understanding for. We have all tried to ice skate at one time or another, or ski. But how many of us have ever ridden a luge? Or attempted to ski jump? I've never even seen curling live let alone try it. So we need more exposure to those events, but show us ALL of the downhill. Let's see all the skating. But let's see it complete, not segments here and there. The Olympics is being broadcast on five different channels here, from 9:00 AM until 1:00 AM the next morning.So there is certainly enough air time available.

***THEY SAID IT***
"In Sochi, temperatures are in the sixties. During alpine skiing, two competitors almost drowned."  -- Brad Dickson
" Another reason to congratulate Michael Sam. He helped knock A-Rod out of the sports headlines."  -- Janice Hough
"And the whole thing brings to mind the 2010 interview when Willie Mays, then 79 years old, was asked if baseball was ready for an openly gay player.  His three word response  “Can he hit?”  -- Janice Hough
"The Olympic village has drawn fire for yellow water, toilets that don't flush properly, Spartan hotel rooms and unpaved streets. Sochi isn’t a resort; it’s a last resort."  -- RJ Currie
"Ex-NFLer Jared Lorenzen still playing QB in indoor football — at 320 pounds. He is not having a great season, but does lead the league in snacks."  -- Greg Cote
"The sweaters the U.S. team wore in the opening ceremonies cost $595 each. Fortunately, due to our economic situation, we saved the receipts. After the games we’ll return ‘em. “These 704 sweaters weren’t quite what we wanted.”  -- Brad Dickson
"Alex Rodriguez is suddenly taking his suspension for the entire 2014 season with remarkable aplomb. In fact, you could say it doesn’t even move his needle."  -- Dwight Perry
"The IOC passed out 100,000 condoms to 7,650 Winter Olympians, which works out to about 13 condoms per athlete. How are they gonna have time to participate in any events?"  -- Brad Dickson
"Russian speedskater Olga Graf won a bronze in the 3000 metres. Exhausted, hot and excited after her race, she unzipped her suit down to her waist – forgetting she didn’t have anything on underneath. Graf quickly rezipped the suit before she completely flashed the crowd. But have to think ratings may go up for her next race."  -- Janice Hough
"Fox banned a Super Bowl ad featuring actress Scarlett Johansson doing provocative things with a soda straw. It didn’t help the Broncos, who really sucked."  -- RJ Currie

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Friday, February 07, 2014

...AND IN THE WORLD OF SPORTS -

##  Who are the two most watched people in Sports? The answer is Derek Jeter and Masahiro Tanaka. Even though spring training hasn't officially started yet, Jeter has been working out at one of the Yankee facilities in Tampa, where he's being followed around by reporters. We're being told how many ground balls he's fielding, including where he's standing in the infield, how many swings he takes in batting practice, to where he's hitting the ball. We know pretty much everything he's doing except how long he's in the shower afterwards (I lied - it's 10 minutes).
Tanaka is not even in the United States yet, but the reporters are getting ready. They knew when he got his visa and when he plans on flying to the U.S. The TSA didn't pay this much attention to Putin, when he visited. But then, Tanaka had a better season.

##  A baseball signed by Babe Ruth garnered $250,000 at an auction recently. That's more than I paid for my last two houses, with enough left over to cover my first car. Apparently, it's the ball Ruth signed for an ailing 11 year-old that he promised to hit a homer for. The buyer has asked to remain anonymous. Probably doesn't want his wife to find out. That ought to be an interesting conversation: "You paid how much? For a baseball? And it's how old? Are you crazy? You take it back."

##  The prognosticators are in rare form. The Yanks are being picked to finish anywhere from 1st to 4th in their division, depending on who you read. The biggest problem is the infield. Can Teixeira's wrist hold up, will Brian Roberts make it to April 15th before he gets hurt, can Jeter still play shortstop effectively and most scouts think if Kelly Johnson gets hot, he might hit .210?  And Tanaka? Well, predictions on him range from, he might end up in the bullpen to what hat he will wear to the Hall of Fame.

##   #1 Syracuse plays Clemson on Sunday. Clemson's record is 15-6, but they beat Duke by 13 points earlier this year.

##  AJ Burnett has decided he wants to play one more year. Pittsburgh and Baltimore are interested. After coming so close in 2012 and then falling off last year, you'd think the Orioles would make a big push over the winter and signs some big names, but instead they have been silent. Burnett isn't the answer.

***THE OLYMPICS***
Headline on ESPN: "Passenger tries to hijack plane heading to Sochi" No truth to the rumor that it was one of the Olympic athletes who had heard about the brown water and the lack of toilet paper. Actually, it's the toilet paper that's brown and there is no water.

I need help with some of the new events. For example, what is slopestyle? Is Women's Moguls an event of part of the ladies uniform?

***THEY SAID IT***
"Shaun White has withdrawn from the Winter Olympics' slopestyle event. This after he realized he had no idea what it was."  -- Brad Dickson
"The Canadian Curling teams have passed their PED tests in Sochi. However, they all tested positive for Molsons."  -- TC Chong
"But you have to give it to Putin. Who else could come up with a city in Russia that needs to have man-made snow in winter?"  -- Janice Hough
"Roger Clemens and Pedro Martinez have been voted into the Boston Red Sox Hall of Fame. Clemens was presented a book, “Misremembering for Dummies” and Pedro received a “Don Zimmer” punching bag."  -- TC Chong
"Nineteen-year-old Canadian tennis sensation Eugenie Bouchard said she'd like to date Justin Bieber. Note to Eugenie: This is no time to start losing at love."  -- RJ Currie
"How intimidating was the Seahawks’ defense on Sunday? Even Joe Namath had to release his pregame coin flip early."  -- Dwight Perry
"The authorities seized $21.6 million of counterfeit merchandise before this year’s Super Bowl: “Dear Gullible Consumer: That cut-rate T-shirt you bought with Broncos spelled with a ‘k’ — it might be a fake."  -- Greg Cote
"A man bit off part of his brother’s right ear during a fight at a Super Bowl party in Rochester, N.Y. That’s what they get for serving Tyson chicken wings."  -- Bill Littlejohn
"John Elway says the Broncos ‘came up short’ in the Super Bowl. And in a non-related story, the Titanic may have had a leak."  -- Tim Hunter
"Forty-three years ago — on Feb. 6, 1971 — astronaut Alan Shepard hit the first golf ball on the moon. No truth to the rumor that Gerald Ford was the one who put it there."  -- Dwight Perry

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CASHMAN, OH, WHAT A CLEVER FELLOW


Last month Masahiro Tanaka signed the fifth-largest contract for a pitcher in major league history. Today, GM Brian Cashman said, "We view him to be a really solid, consistent No. 3 starter.”

Given the Yankee’s history, Cashman is attempting to lower fan expectations and transitioning to MLB will likely be a challenge for Tanaka. Giving Cashman a pass on acquiring a $155 million No. 3 starter, will he please tell us who on the staff he considers a No. 1 and/or a No. 2. 

The boys at the diner said most of the staff pitches like No. 2 but I think they meant something else.  

Thursday, February 06, 2014

Let It Snow, Pizza (Man, it’s hot out!)


Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow 

New Yorkers were amused at all the fuss about a COLD WEATHER CLIMATE SUPER BOWL! The weather, like the Bronco’s performance, was not a problem for the Seahawks.

More interesting is any explanation of just why the 2014 Winter Olympics are being held in Sochi, a location with a sub-tropical climate, where every flake of snow on event venues will be man made, in a region where a bloody civil war has been waged for a decade and continues, in a country where a rock band and former billionaire were released from prison in an attempt to clean up VP’s rep prior to the games and where LBGT’s are systematically brutalized.

Vlad-The-Putin is certainly the ‘can-do’ guy.


Pizza! Pizza!
(Posted on FB by a young family friend)

“Hi, I'm Rick Smith.

People often ask me, ‘Rick, how do you look like one of those guys on the front of Fruit of the Loom underwear packs?’

Most people think I spend countless hours in the gym. Well I thought I would share my true secret to developing a fruit-of-the-loom body.

The secret is Paladino's pizza.

Paladino's pizza has nearly 10 grams of protein per slice, as well as essential oils to keep your skin looking young and healthy. A CNY family based business since 1980, making pizzas with all natural, organic ingredients with no added preservatives.

Are you tired of not having an underwear body? Tired of alpha males stealing your girlfriends/wives? Are you in the friendzone? Well it's time you try Paladino's pizza!

Call 315-669-4004 and order yours today!”

PS – Paladino’s is the best pizza west of NYC.

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