Saturday, August 10, 2013

WHAT'S GOING ON?

Actually, that's a question AND a statement.

## Mariano has blown his second save in a row. That should be the biggest news of the day, just ahead of the news that the Yanks beat Detroit and miles ahead of this A-Rod nonsense.

## Speaking of A-Rod, the Yanks sent A-Rod a letter saying that he was going to be fined for getting a second opinion from a doctor without informing the team. The amount of the fine wasn't announced, but A-Rod was seen counting the change in his pocket.

## A-Rod's suspension could cost him anywhere from $32-$35 million. Don't worry about it. A-Rod just sold his Florida mansion for $30 million, and because of the terms of the Texas-New York trade that brought A-Rod to the Yanks, Texas still owes him $40 million, money that will not be affected by his suspension. Phew!

## Former slugger Jack Clark, has accused Albert Pujols and Justin Verlander of taking PEDs. He says a trainer admitted to him that he "shot up" Albert over 10 years ago. The radio station Clark worked for has fired him, the trainer has denied talking to Clark and Pujols says he is suing Clark & the station.

## The Atlanta Braves have won 14 in a row and have the best record in baseball in the worst division in baseball - the NL East. They have a 151/2-game lead over the Washington Senat...er, I mean the Nationals, who may be the biggest disappointment in the Majors. Is it too early to talk about 'magic numbers'? (It's 31, so, yeah)

## The reigning champs, the San Francisco Giants are in last place, 13 games under .500.  And Janice Hough is so upset, she only wrote 3 A-Rod jokes this morning.

## It's August 10th, and ESPN is full of news from the NFL and there has already been two games on TV, if you can call these games. the starters play a total of 5 minutes (including commercials). If this trend keeps up, ESPN will begin showing 2 hours of calisthenics from the training camps every morning, with appropriate commentary: "That's right, Sal. I've never seen anyone sweat like that before. This could be a pre-season record."  I can hardly wait.

## The PGA Championship is being played here in Rochester and Tiger Woods is tied for 38th, which explains why the size of his name in the headlines has gone from 72 pts. to 18. I won't say that Tiger is the ONLY reason people are flocking to the event, but there are reports that fans have to get in line to take a picture of his "Parking Reserved for Tiger Woods" sign.

***THEY SAID IT***
"A pick-six on the fourth play of the first game of the preseason…. Good to know that the the NY Jets’ Mark Sanchez is already in midseason form."  -- Janice Hough
"A-Rod has apparently hired the same private-detectives Dominique Strauss-Kahn used when he was accused of rape in 2011. Wonder what the firm’s name is “Sleazebags-R-Us?"  -- Janice Hough
" The Bills’ offensive coordinator says they are going to keep giving running back C.J. Spiller the ball until he throws up.   Are they aiming to be the “Barfallo Bills?”  -- TC Chong
"Canadian women's hockey star Tessa Bonnehomme is one of Sportsnet's top five most beautiful female athletes. So despite playing defence, she has a lot of shots on the net."  -- RJ Curry
"This weekend, the Nebraska (Hot-Air) Balloon and Wine Festival comes to Omaha. There's a good combination."  -- Brad Dickson

"Atlanta's Turner Field opened a Waffle House restaurant - and the Braves immediately reeled off a 14-game win streak. Batter up, indeed."  -- Dwight Perry
 "Eagles receiver Riley Cooper made a racial comment that was caught in a video. Living proof that Marge Schott and John Rocker once had a romantic fling."  -- Scott Ostler

"A college baseball player participating in a summer league in Missouri suffered a concussion after a skydiver landed on him during a pregame ceremony. To make matters worse, an umpire rushed in and shouted "Safe!"  -- Brad Dickson
"Have you seen any Bikini Basketball Association games? You can tell it's the BBA because the cheerleaders wear more than the players."  -- RJ Curry
"Red Sox catcher Ryan Lavarnway tied the MLB record with four passed balls in one inning, trying to corral Steven Wright's fluttering knuckleball. Lavarnway's nickname, needless to say, is not the Sultan of Squat."  -- Dwight Perry
"Pay-Rod joined the Yankees on Monday in Chicago. Brian Cashman wants to fire the person who gave him their schedule."  -- TC Chong
"Major League Baseball has suspended Alex Rodriguez for 211 games, but A-Rod is still fighting. He's vowing to come back 10 times bigger and 10 times stronger. I don't know if that's a good sign or not."  -- Jay Leno

CP-







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