Friday, April 16, 2010

Picasner Trash - Order Today - Avoid Disappointment

Picasner is under the gun. Other writers are scouring his work for quotes His son Mark is suggesting he start a second career. He’ll need to hire staff to answer email, explore personal appearance requests, book tours, and manage the entanglements of his skyrocketing celebrity. Picasner is hot!

Now, because of Picasner’s “always generous” sensibility, Picasner Limited is offering his most loyal fans an opportunity to acquire your own small piece of Picasner memorabilia at amazing introductory prices before fame, fortune, and a floating yuan drive prices up, down, or not at all. The future value of certified, official Picasner Trash is anyone’s guess. So don’t be caught short. Act now to trade those increasingly useless greenbacks for Picasner Trash. All items are hand numbered, include a signed Certificate of Authenticity, and are not being currently produced by Amish craftsmen feverishly working by candle light to fill your orders.

Picasner Trash – what every Picasnerite wants, hardly needs, and can live without. Impress your friends by proudly displaying your own Picasner Trash at home, work, in the trunk of your car, and anywhere else you can claim anonymity or an insanity defense.

Order Today!

The Picasner Lunchbox

Graced with the glossy likeness of The Fabled One, the Picasner Lunchbox not only makes a gorgeous display in your basement, barn, or tool shed, but includes an assortment of Picasner’ Brand products. Every Picasner Lunchbox comes loaded with Picasner PowerPop drawn directly from pristine Lake Ontario, Picasner Pork Rinds, so fresh you can hear the squeal, and Picasner Pudding-On-A -Stick – the dessert that lasts longer that a Yankee-Red Sox game. Add the Picasner Poster, suitable for framing or wrapping fish and you have more than Picasner Trash, you have a Wall Street, circa 4th qtr 2008, investment!

Get yours for $59.99 plus shipping and handling.

Picasner Pro Clothing

Now you can wear the same quality gear that Picasner wears as he Etch-O-Sketches his colum. In fact, each article of Picasner Pro Clothing has been worn by the Potentate himself. Our first release is the Slightly Used Picasner Sweat Sock. Buy them individually for $9.95 plus shipping and handling or a set of two for $17.95 to tickle your piggies with certified Picasner Power. Each order is packed by our staff wearing EPA-grade HAZ-MAT suits and is shipped in leak-proof, odor-proof cartons for your enjoyment and protection.

Picasner For A Day

This is the one item that everyone is scrambling for. When it isn’t enough to eat like Picasner and dress like Picasner - be Picasner For A Day! Upon purchase, Picasner LTD. will provide you with round trip transportation via your own car to Rochester, NY. There, you’ll spend 24 hours as the man himself. Keep a scheduled dentist appointment, have lunch at the P’s favorite pizza palace with Vod, and end your day with a candle lit dinner with Annie-O while she nags you about that out of control ear hair.

Not for the faint of heart, Picasner For A Day gives you the opportunity to walk 85 feet in Picasner’s shoes (its been a while since the lad did a mile).

All this for the unbelievable price of $299.99. Allow 6 weeks for a confirmed appointment. Requires a psychiatric evaluation prior to scheduling.

Send your cash only orders for authentic Picasner Trash to: Picasner Trash, 1 Picasner Tower, 6297 Lambert, Victor, NY 14564.

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