WHERE'S MICHAEL KAY?

Yes, Picasner always makes fun of him because...well, it's easy. Now, I miss him. Where are are the snide comments, the silly stats and trivia ("That's the 10th time a shortstop wearing an even number on his back, made an unassisted double play in the 4th inning of a game played west of the Mississippi") and the inane questions ("Does it hurt when you get hit in the head?"). Laugh if you want, but I miss that. COME BACK, SHAN...ER, MICHAEL!

***METS HELPING WITH OLIVER PEREZ***
In order to help straighten him out, the Mets had Perez pitch live batting practice yesterday. Um, I thought that's what it looked like during his last start.

***JOEL ZUMAYA HATES THE YANKS***
When asked why, the Tigers pitcher replied, "It's the little things." Like maybe the homers they hit off you? We'll see you in New York and you can hate us some more.

***SPEAKING OF HOMERS...***
Nick Swisher became the 10th Yankee to homer from both sides of the plate in one game. That's surprising, so I had to look it up.
Mantle (10)
Bernie (8)
Jorge (6)
Tom Tresh (3)
Roy White (5)
Roy Smalley, Ruben Sierra, Tony Clark and Melky Cabrera (1 each)
and now Swisher.
At least I didn't have to put Horace Clark on the list.

***THAT'S WHY THEY PAY THEM***
Toronto's doing great, Tampa's doing lousy. Sports writers aren't content with that; they have to tell you why. And thanks to the nerds with calculators out there, we can give you a stat to prove anything, including why Horace Clark belongs on the switch hitter list. From the Defensive Efficiency Rating (DER) and the Wins Above Replacement Player (WARP) to the Another Stupid Statistic Which I Personally Endorse (ASSW***), they don't even need to watch the game to tell why they're winning or losing. And all the time, I thought this was supposed to be entertainment, not a math class.

***ONE FROM GREG COTE OF THE MIAMI HERALD***
Kenya Salina Kosgei won the Boston Marathon. "She edged the defending champion, a woman named Dire Tune. Seriously, Dire Tune. Who came in third? Funeral Dirge?"

***100 FOR GIRARDI***
Joe Girardi won his 100th game as Yankee manager last night, which seemed to be a big deal for Kim Jones, who interviewed him on the field afterwards. Kim has actually gotten better as an interviewer lately but that pink coat has got to go.