THERE'S NO 'LYING' IN BASEBALL

There may not be any crying, but as far as lying...

***LETS START WITH THE BIG THREE***
Palmeiro: "I did not take steroids." (Finger gesture)
Sosa: "No spika da Inglish." (And we no believe-a you)
McGuire: "I'm not here to talk about the past." (Luckily, you won't be making any speeches at Cooperstown, either.)

***THE EVEN BIGGER TWO***
Clemens: "I'll sue him!" (How's that working out, Roger?)
Bonds: "Say, what? I didn't know." (The big change in your hat size should have been a clue.)

***THE RECENT ADDITION***
Many stories are starting to surface about Jim Bowden, ex-GM of the Washington Nationals. As Poky Reese said, " You can tell Jim Bowden is lying when his lips move." Bowden once held a team meeting in Cincinnati and told the players not to talk to Hal McCoy, staff writer for the Cincy Middletown Times. The players immediately told Hal what Bowden said. When Hal confronted Jim, he denied it. Hal said, "Five players told me. Who should I believe, 5 players or you?" Bowden said, "Me!" I'm sorry Bowden is out of baseball. He fits right in.

***YOU KNOW, WE DO PAY ATTENTION***
Vladimir Guerrero happened to mention that he was 35 years old during an interview. The Team media guide lists him at 34. Later the reporters asked team officials about it. The team went and questioned Vlad, who admitted to being 35. The team then announced that they knew it all along. Sorry, Angels, we couldn't get on the turnip truck; it was full.

See, we don't need actual baseball games to amuse ourselves. Sometimes, this is more fun.